“Envy: The Sin of the Glass is Half Empty”

a sermon delivered by Rev. Kimi Riegel
At Northwest Unitarian Universalist Church on February 5, 2006

Envy is wanting other people’s stuff. Envy is seeing that others have possessions, characteristics, rewards, skill or talents that we desire. Envy resists the good others receive or even might receive. One web site puts it bluntly, “Get a grip. You can’t have everything.”

Envy is the second of the deadly sins, following right after pride. It appears frequently in the literature and scriptures of the world’s religions.

In Buddhism envy, wishing for things that are of this life, is one of the fetters that keeps us tied to the circle of rebirth. Buddhists strive to become free of returning to a bodily life and so strive to be free of envy. It is suggested in Buddhist scripture that by giving freely we avoid this sin of envy. If we give what we have, we will be less likely to find ourselves in the state of wanting, for giving is the antidote to wanting.

Hindu scriptures warn of the dangers of desiring physical pleasures, especially because they lead to envy. First, we seek to be strong, then stronger, then strongest, and, eventually, we wish ill for those who surpass us. Hindu texts are explicit about avoiding envy, “Among the profuse precious things a man may acquire, none surpasses a nature free from envy toward all,”

The Qur'an warns against envy, encouraging believers to be satisfied: "And do not covet what we bestowed upon any other people. Such are temporary ornaments of this life, whereby we put them to the test. What your Lord provides for you is far better and everlasting (Surah 20:131)." The sayings of the Prophet reveal what Muhammad thought about envy. "The faithful believer emulates, but does never envy," The 10th century Islamic philosopher Razi wrote that "envy is worse than miserliness: misers do not want to give anything of their own to others; envious people do not want others to receive anything, regardless of who owns it."

The sin of envy appears in a most familiar way in the Ten Commandments; “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor’s” Now despite the fact that humans in that time were considered possessions the notion is pretty clear that wanting what the neighbor has is a transgression of the worst kind. For Jews this is further emphasized in the often quoted proverb “A tranquil heart is the life of the flesh; but envy is the rottenness of the bones” Which is to say that what brings us most joy and fullness in life is to be happy with what we have. Jewish texts explain that envy is not just wanting what one doesn't have. It also includes longing for another's possessions, being discontent with one's possessions because one prefers those of another, and appropriating the property of another. As Rabbi David Wolpe writes, envy is a "narrowness of vision," which includes being unable to recognize the success of others. In the Christian Gospels, the book of Luke, “Take heed, and beware of all covetousness; for a man’s life does not consist of his possessions” This makes the further point that there is more to life then what we can see as material goods. “Saint Thomas Aquinas defined envy as "sorrow for another's good." In Catholic thought, envy runs counter to the supreme virtue, charity.

Here’s a simple definition. Envy is unhappiness at the success of others and pleasure at the suffering of others. When we envy, we’re sad when others are glad and glad when they are sad. Envy is the values of life turned upside down.

We may be sure we are suffering from envy when …
¸ We secretly regret that our friends have succeeded where we have not.
¸ We use excuses to explain why someone else did better than us.
¸ We temper our compliments with the word “but.”
¸ We complain that others do not appreciate us as they should.
¸ We walk the other way rather than congratulate a friend on her good fortune.
¸ We question the motives of those who show kindness to us.
¸ We secretly gloat when someone else gets caught because “they had it coming to them.”
¸ We refuse to be friends with someone who excels in our field.
¸ We can’t bear to hear our friends complimented in our presence.
¸ We’re better at criticism than we are at praise.
¸ We cannot be around others without complaining how hard life is.
¸ We have a hard time believing our friends have more talent than we do.

One colleague quotes Erma Bombeck as she captured the heart of envy in this humorous prayer: “Lord, if you cannot make me thin, at least make my friends look fat.” Envy causes us to say, “I’ve been treated unfairly and I want my fair share. If I can’t have it, you can’t have your fair share either.” No one can be richer, healthier, happier, more spiritual, or more gifted than we are. Envy is the great equalizer. It allows us to drag others down to the gutter where we live in our misery.

We are relational beings. Much of what we do in our lives is in relation to others. Even our economic system is based on how we see ourselves in relation to others. We are prone to envy, so commercials for goods and services work. We want the bigger, fancier car the neighbors have. We want the reward our co-worker got because, after all, we deserve it.

Like the other sins I have spoken of, envy is on a continuum. We have the ambition to live our lives like other great heroes because of envy; emulation is a form of envy. Thus, we can use it to propel us on. However, then we remember Cain and Abel of Biblical fame. Cain was envious of the praise God had for his brother, Abel’s, gift of the first of his flock of sheep. God was not as pleased with Cain’s gift of the fruit of his ground. Cain killed his brother over envy.

I believe that as with most sins the genders are pretty evenly represented. We all feel envy, but I think women are particularly susceptible to wishing each other ill will, especially in the area of looks. We compare ourselves to other women point by point. “Well, who does she think she is wearing such tight jeans at her age?” “It’s a good thing she has nice hair because her face is so unattractive.” “I hope she trips on those little pointy shoes.” I have had thoughts like that myself, as much as I hate to admit it.

Thankfully, most of us do not suffer from an extreme form of envy. Still, even the smaller envy robs us of life. While I am thinking of how much I would laugh to see someone’s fancy white fur coat splashed with mud, I am missing out on what is joyful in my life.

Perhaps some of you heard Paul Manzella talk about his brother, Michael, last week. Michael was an example of someone who lived life without envy but love. While standing at Michael’s coffin Paul, told me the story of the day Michael got the word the hospital had a transplant kidney for him. Now Michael was someone who had many illnesses through out his life. Kidney failure was the one he was experiencing at that particular time. The word went out through the family that Michael would soon have the surgery to get a new kidney. He called Paul to tell him to meet him later at the hospital, but then no one could reach him. He wasn’t at the hospital. He wasn’t at home. The hospital finally let Paul know that the kidney had not worked out. Panic struck. Perhaps in his devastation Michael had done something drastic. As time passed, family members got more desperate because they were sure the disappointment had finally gotten to him. Finally, Michael returned one of the calls. He had been out to dinner and figured that since he wasn’t having surgery, he could go have a good dinner; after all, he hadn’t eaten since he was anticipating the surgery. He was surprised to hear that others were concerned about his mental health. He was feeling good that he had had a good meal. Now that is a life of appreciation not envy.

Envy prevents us from living in the present. We are always longing for what should have been ours or what will be ours one day. Envy narrows our vision – we see only what is missing. Michael didn’t dwell on the missing kidney but the joy of the here and now. Most envy is based on false idealizations anyway. When we see the neighbors wife, who looks so beautiful and we wish she were our wife, we would do ourselves good to talk to her husband. My guess is she has flaws too. We can use envy to propel us into emulation for good, but we must not let it rob us of life.
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One colleague writing on the sin of envy talks about Robert Fulghum. Mr. Fulghum is a Unitarian Universalist minister who has had the good fortune to publish many books, creating, I might add, a fair amount of envy. In his latest book, subtitled "The Rituals of Our Lives" he contends that our lives are a series of rituals, whether they are consciously celebrated or not, and whether they are observed in a so-called "religious" setting or not. One such ritual is the class reunion--a setting that is rich with possibilities for comparisons, contrasts, and even a little (and maybe a lot) of envy. He, Fulghum, writes here not of his, but of his wife's college reunion:

My wife has just returned from the twenty-fifth reunion of her college class. When she came home she talked for two days and is still working through the experience. She's going with a friend to a Grateful Dead concert--something she would not have done before the reunion. Revisiting the music of one's youth is part of the reunion with self.

My wife's moment of truth at the reunion was the memorial service for the members of her class who had died. Twenty of them. She's a doctor, and she knows about death. But this was different. Twenty people her age--people she knew, people like her--had already come to the end of their lives. Finitude. Life is short .

And like most of those who go to such occasions with their eyes open, she came home with a revived sense of what is consequential and who is significant and what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. A new set of hopes and dreams tempered now by the view from the middle of life and the experiences of the road taken so far.

She compared her life to her peers' and saw what there was to like about herself and what she still might become. And in seeing how time and experience had molded some seemingly confused ... college students into pretty fine and serviceable human beings, she felt good, knowing she was one of those.

And I am the beneficiary of her reunion, even though I did not go. She saw the men she might have married. And is glad she waited for me.

She compared her life to her peers' and saw what there was to like about herself and what she still might yet become...

My colleague writes, “That's as good a statement as any I've found about what it means to be on the positive end of the envy spectrum--to see in your peers what you like about yourself and what you might yet become. And what she brought back from her reunion is something I hope we can each and all find here:

...a revived sense of what is consequential and who is significant and what we want to do with the rest of our lives; a new set of hopes and dreams tempered by the experiences of the roads taken so far.”