"Homily: Teasing, All in Fun"
by Rev. Kimi Riegel
May 4, 2003

How many of you have teased people? How many of you thought it was fun? How many of you have been teased? How many of you thought it was fun? You know, when I was writing this sermon at my desk on Wednesday I knew that’s how it would turn out. We find it fun to tease but very few of us like it when we are teased. You might like to know that both grownups and kids get teased and often times it hurts no matter how old you are.

Every so often when I write in the newsletter what my sermon topic will be, people will come to talk with me about the sermon. They usually do that if they are worried about what I will say. It happened with this topic. A few people were very worried I would say stop teasing, because they think it is fun. Some people were worried that I would say teasing is OK because they think it isn’t fun. What I think is most important is to be very careful about teasing.

A lot depends on what you think is teasing. The dictionary says teasing is tearing something apart. That is not OK, because it isn’t nice to tear anyone apart even with our words. Some people think teasing is good-natured picking at friends in fun – that might be OK. Other people think it’s just telling jokes with friends – that could be very fun. 

When I was in third grade, about nine years old, I got my glasses. I was the only person in the class with glasses. As you might guess, it made me feel very strange. My parents both wear glasses so at home I didn’t feel weird but at school, in my class, I did. On top of that I wasn’t very good at math and couldn’t catch a ball. Now, with my new glasses, I was afraid the ball would hit my glasses and so I didn’t even want to try. There were kids in my class who called me clumsy four-eyes. They thought it was funny and fun. I didn’t. When I think of teasing, I think of that time. They were teasing me because I was different than they were. Most of the time it seems like teasing is pointing out how the other person isn’t as good and that kind of teasing always hurts.

There are usually three people involved in teasing; the person doing the teasing, the person being teased and the people standing around watching.[1]

If you are a teaser you need to take special care that you are not hurting the other person. If you are not sure, don’t tease. Don’t tease unless you are certain this friend of yours likes it. We should only tease our friends who like it. We should never join in teasing that others are doing. When there is a group of people teasing one person it is always mean. If the teasing makes you feel like a better person than the person you are teasing – stop. We aren’t made better by making someone else feel bad. If someone asks you to stop teasing them the best thing to do is apologize and stop. If you find it hard to stop teasing it might be a good idea to talk to a grownup and learn how. We want to be able to have fun together but fun is only fun if every one is having it.

If you are someone who gets teased and you don’t like it, there is a lot you can do. Just like our story this morning the most important thing to do is talk about it. You can talk to your parents, your teachers, me, your friends, or just about any body. We have all been teased and most of us know what if feels like when it isn’t fun. The next step after telling someone is having a plan for what you will do the next time. 

Your plan might be to say you want them to stop. Occasionally the teaser really doesn’t know you don’t like it. Then all you have to do is ask them to stop and they will. That person is probably a friend. It’s hard to ask someone to stop teasing, but if you practice you can do it. Things like, “Hey, stop that.” Or “I don’t like that” will make some teasers stop. Or your plan could be to just walk away. A few teasers are just doing it because they make you upset and if you walk away they stop. Or you might talk with friends to back you up like the boy in the story. If you are being teased it feels good to have a plan and practice it.[2]

There are people who say you should tease back. I don’t think that’s a good idea though sometimes I do it myself. I feel bad when I hurt someone even if they hurt me first. It’s easy to become just like the person hurting us, but in the end I think that just makes more hurt in the world.

Some people who tease can get very mean and dangerous. They are people who don’t stop when you ask. These are people who follow you when you leave. They are people who make you feel scared they might hurt you. When a person teases you like that, you need to get help. For grownups, that means going to the police. For kids, that means finding a grownup. These people have a problem and they need help. Maybe someone is bullying them and they only know how to bully others. You can’t stand up to dangerous people alone. A plan with a dangerous person needs others, like grownups and the police to help. 

Besides the teaser and the teased there are the people who are standing by watching. If you are being teased and there are others watching, it feels even worse. If you are teasing and there are people watching, stop. If you are watching someone get teased, help him or her. Speak up if you think it is safe and get help if you think it is dangerous. Often we are afraid we will be next if we speak up against a bully. Just the opposite usually happens, if good caring adults are involved. When we stand up for others it changes how everyone treats one another. The bully probably doesn’t feel good and to stop and learn to be a friend would help him or her too. If we let the teasers hurt others we might in fact be next. If we help stop the teaser, then it can’t happen to us.

So if you are a teaser think very hard before you tease, to make sure you aren’t hurting others. If you are being teased and you don’t like it, talk to someone and practice a plan. If you are a bystander when someone is being teased, stand up and help.

Unitarian Universalists think it is very important to stand up for others. Our religion, and other religions too, teach us that each person is important and deserves to be treated fairly. In a few minutes the choir is going to sing a song. While they are singing, I want you to think about a time when you knew someone was being teased and they didn’t like it. Did you stand up? Will you stand up next time? After the song, we will each have a chance to tell about a time we stood up for others or about when we will stand up next time. It is especially important for you to think hard about the times you stood up for others and then share them with us this morning. The more we hear stories about standing up the more we are likely to stand up ourselves.